1 year ago I took one of the biggest steps of my life and signed on to be my wife's partner for life. At that point I knew this was something very important and I tried to peer through the looking glass of past experiences and choose key markers to help me in the days to follow. Some of that helped but I must testify that there is still a large learning curve involved and sometimes all you have to guide you is your heart.
One thing I learned very early on is that this same heart needed to grow. No longer were my hopes, cares, and dreams my own but they now needed to include hers. I could no longer simply want things for myself but had to take into consideration what would make her happy too. Sometimes things that hold little value with me, mean all the world to her.
"But shouldn't you have known this before hand?"
Yes. But like faith and other spiritual matters, everything is a theory until you are called to practice it in the pinch. This past year has planted me in the arena and the starving lion on the other hand is drooling for his lunch. The first piercing truth is: in order to survive, one must fight. The second truth is: if you take a closer look, that hungry lion is a spitting image of you. Sometimes the biggest obstacle in your way to success in anything is your own pride and selfishness.
A few weeks ago I was able to take a break from work and eat lunch at home at the same time as my wife. We rushed through our meal and I was able to drive her back to work. We kissed goodbye and I drove slowly away. As I looked back to see her one last time I was surprised by what I saw. There was my wife running beside the car, her hair flying in the wind, a smile radiating from her face, her eyes dancing, and then she blew me one last kiss.
Whenever I find myself in that arena, facing the lion that even now begins to walk slowly towards me in anticipation of an end to things, I reflect back on my wife running beside my car. In that moment I see every reason why I am with her. In that moment I see every reason for me to stay. In that moment I see every reason to keep fighting.
For in that moment I see the honest and unmistakable love that my wife has for me.
I hope as one year closes and another begins, I continue to keep this image fresh in my mind. I hope that even with all the things that distract from within and without I continue to see her as being this. And most importantly... I hope that I am able to return the love she gives me in ways that she will truly feel that she is loved, protected, and cared for.
I love you darling ko! Happy Anniversary!
No comments:
Post a Comment