But even here, amidst the beauty of the Canadian Rockies, I can feel that things are temporary. There is a sense of restlessness that I feel from everyone I come into contact with including members of my family and friends. I guess we're all struggling for things... I just hope they are the right ones.
I know what I want and in a sense it is simple. I want stability. I dream of a day when my wife and I can sit in our living room and simply secure and content that things are good. I don't limit this dream to myself because I wish it for each member of my family. My sisters. My parents. I really wish that we all could be in a good place. In fact I wish that we could all be close together and truly be able to be there for each other while respecting that we all have our own lives.
I am busy these days simply maintaining the status quo. (Who knew it would feel like a battle every day!) But behind the routine and grind, my mind has been working over time thinking of what I can do to help take us there. As a believer that we live in the final stages of this journey, I know that there is a big possiblity that it is our lot to struggle for the rest of our sojourn here. But what if we're just told to work a little harder, love a little truer, and just put in more time so things get better?
I get it now. I really wish I did back then so I could have made wiser decisions, focused on the things that mattered, and fought a little harder. I realized now that I had all the proper tools. You don't have to be a genius to make it, you just needed to understand the fundamentals, and simply go out there and put in the effort. You need to work when most people call it a day and wake up a little earlier than the rest.
I've discovered that doesn't mean you'll always get the credit for your effort. At times it may seem that people that half ass it and just know how to talk a good game - make it. But this is about living with myself at the end of day and laying my head down on my pillow knowing that I did all I could to move myself and my family closer to our dream. And the good Lord does have some profound words to say in the Good Book about being diligent in all things...
Not a guru or anything like that... Not anything new or profound... Just putting out some personal truth.
So I have the tools. I have the motivation. I just need some insight into my vision. I believe you need to have a vision. A vision of where to go and how to get there. On this I am still unclear. I still stand at the crossroads and yet I know that I have to make a decision soon. The worst thing that can happen is to let your life run away from you when you could have clearly taken some precise steps in handling it. If you've found your vision... ACT UPON IT!
This is not to say that the past few years have been wasted. I would have to say that the last 5 years have been my greatest education. Without them I would not possess the insight I now have. But insight not acted upon rots.
I've rambled a bit with this one. But if you've stuck with me I hope you gain something from it. Anyway this is my mind right now. In all honesty...
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