This sentence, composed of 3 relatively short words, carries with it some profound truth. My Dad shared it with me as we talked on the phone last night (Canada-wide MY5!) He was trying to explain to me the intricacies of effective communcation between the sexes. He and my Mom have been watching a DVD based series on the subject and he was really excited about what he had learned. I was impressed with his brief analysis of the material. While the intention is not to stereotype men and women, because we live in a world where the exception to the rule grows more pervalent every day, the focus of the series was instead to break down some findamental differences and barriers that seperate the sexes.
The series does proclaim that: respect breeds loyalty. But it goes further, it says: loyalty breeds love.
This was illustrated in the training of men and women in the armed forces. One of the key ingredients that leaders of sucessful armies use to mold soldiers is to give them an almost palaitable level of respect. Should a leader be able to impart this sense to their wards, it has been proven that these soldiers are willing to go as far as to die in combat for the love they feel for said leader. Of course many an evil dicatator or world domination bent individual has used this formula in the service of evil. But this only goes to show that the concept works!
How does this transfer to relationships?
The series proclaims that men are built with a need for a respect. Women, on the other hand, are built with a need for love. The way the twain meet is that if a man is shown respect, they will respond with love. If a woman is shown this love, she will in turn show respect. And the cycle continues in a positive sense. The sobering thing is if the cycle is reversed, it continues negatively.
My father and I didn't get much further in the conversation but it was enough to get me thinking about how I fit into this especially in my marriage. I realized that I really hadn't been doing well in some areas of how my wife and I got along. I still have a lot to learn about the Language of Commitment.
"Language of Commitment? Shouldn't it be the Language of Love?"
The Language of Love is easy. When everything is going wonderful, it is easy to spill all the words that warm, comfort, and lead to intimacy. But it is when things are grating, when the gears are not quite meshing, and the tendancy is to look out for one's well-being, that the Language of Commitment comes into play. And believe me it is heaily action based! There needs to be a level of almost superhuman self-control and patience present for the outcome to be positive.
I could go on but I am no expert on these matters for that I look to those who have been married for may years like my parents who are coming up on their 40th Anniversary. But even they disclose that each new day brings its own unique challenges and they are constantly still learning how to successfully be together. And... they acknowledge that if it were not for the mercy and grace of God they would not be.
None of this is easy. But we press on.
As stated when I first started http://www.fromthedeskofromil.blogspot.com/ and http://www.fromthedeskofromil2010.blogspot.com/ these entries often will not be resolved but they serve as markers on a journey. It's crazy what we learn on the way. It's even crazier if what we learn is powerful enough to effect change at our very core.
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